400

So i wanted my 400th post to be a good one which means i have been waiting till i finished the below post before i wrote any more so if you all be lucky there will be an abundance of blogs in the next few days!

Recently for one of my modules i have been reading this book by the Lord Carey of Clifton, who was the then Archbishop of Canterbury. In this book, "Spiritual Journey: The Archbishop of Canterbury's Pilgrimage to Taize with Young People" bit of a mouthful but an incredible book all the same.

This book tells the story of how the Archbishop organised a pilgrimage of almost 1000 young people from the Anglican denomination to the community in Taize looking to explore together what spirituality is, to explore their journey as equals. I won't tell you much more as its something you should read for yourselves.

I started reading this book as Josh and i are doing a seminar on Spiritual Journeys for what was to be our next few days in lectures. Reading this i picked out a few themes that really helped us to understand what this was all about which we then, unknowingly, used for our own spiritual journey.

At the end of May 6 of us from BCYM went on a spiritual retreat in the new forest and it was an incredible few days. 3 boys, 3 girls 2 tents and a well structured plan for the next few days. After the setting the tent up we decided on some ground rules, no technology, (with the exception of the ipod during worship and phones in emergencies) no belittling humour, and to maintain a servant attitude.

The essences of this being we are ALL equal and valued members of the group. This was something the The Lord Carey talked about in his book, that we are all equal and on the same journey together regardless of our position or place in society. He tells us how he said to the 1000 young people that he was a pilgram alongside them and did not want them to treat him any differently.

The wonderful thing about our time together was this equality that we shared that all members of the group were valid and loved and had a right to decide. We fell into an easy rhythm, it felt natural for the women to do the cooking whilst the men did the cleaning there was no discussion it just was.

I could spend hours talking about my experience but i shall narrow it down to a few specifics!

My first being this wonderful time that we shared on the first night. We had it in the plan to have communion and gather around the fire pit just hanging out. The communion was about celebration, we had a glass of wine and a slice of bread (cake) and we enjoyed what Christ has done for us mainly by sharing stories of how we came to faith and just being completely vulnerable, for the sake of honouring our time together i wont go into the details but it was just an incredibly deep time together that set the tone for the whole retreat.

As mentioned before we had a set itinerary for the next few days and one of the first things for the second day was exercise. Well when asked what i did for exercise i mentioned that i walked around Bristol (we do have lots of hills.) So the idea was raised to go for a walk.

Well we walked.

What should have been an hour lasted us 4 maybe 5 hour, we had a bottle of water each (with a few extra's in bens bag) a rice cake each and a cereal bar. Oh and a few chocolate buttons. We barely felt the hunger and the thirst of walking until 4:30 in the afternoon, no one argued when we got last and instead just enjoyed the pleasure of the forrest and of each others company. There was much climbing of trees and Gladiator style battles. We even had an incredible moment of making music with the walking sicks we had found. It was so simple but the whole journey felt like an act of worship discovering God in relationships and in His creation.

After getting home we had a wonderful time of unplanned silence where everyone went off and did their own thing, be it sleeping reading or just being.

That night again we found ourselves deviating from the plan and having a different form of worship, i planned a playlist of songs we would all know and metaphorically (and in some cases literally) fell to our knees in praise. It was beautiful, almost as if one voice was crying out.

it moved us.

for the first time in 3 years we were completely ourselves in worship with the people that we went to uni with.

Like i said i could write forever about my experience but instead i will finish with the reality of how this has affected me.

Before i mentioned my issues with anger and rage. I spoke to God about this beforehand and whilst in the forest i felt none of these emotions, this is something that has carried through to even now. It has been a challenge and i have had to chose no to be angry (especially in the last few days) and that is not to say that sometimes anger is not the right option but i was all about the rage as opposed to the anger.

So i am lighter and less angry i can talk about my sister and instead of feeling anger at hr i just feel sadness but not one that rules my life. I can talk about the things that frustrate me and instead of wanting to punch someone i just shrug and move on.

And all of this means i feel like myself again.

I am also less worried and less frantic and feel less like i need to prove myself to the world. Finishing my degree was no longer an uphill battle and something that my identity rested upon (especially the grade) but it was a formality and just another experience in life.

I feel that turning to God is the easiest thing in the world, and i know i will have struggles again. But for the time being i am so grateful for my time away with those 5 amazing people and look forward to our next adventure.

But ultimately i am grateful that God allowed us that time and humbled me enough to allow for real change.

So thats my 400th blog entry.