result

So am sat on the train back to the shire for a flying Peach’s wedding related visit. Its 00:33 and man am I crazy tired. Work was fairly manic tonight but as always loads of fun.

So on Tuesday, well I think it was Tuesday, I got my results for my final modules. A high 2:2 by the looks of it. 2 points of a 2:1 and to say I was gutted was an understatement. When I started the course I was on line for a 1st. But then well shit happened.

Now I am well aware that I am a snob, and I push myself hard and expect myself to always do my best and live up to my full potential. This is a wonderful trait that I picked up from my family.

I’m one of the less clever ones in my family. Which is annoying to say the least. One of my sisters is Einstein level intelligence, and she’s taller then me, strike that 2 of my sisters are like this. And the rest are all freakishly clever too. I have dealt with this honest, mainly cause I got the social skills and found what I wanted to do with my life and it isn’t an office job, thank God.

But I still every now and then feeling frustrated at myself for not being as academic as them and not doing as well. But mainly my annoyance was at myself for not living up to my potential and what I know I am capable of.

And then the very lovely Ruth reminded me to see the bigger picture.

Well a lot of people did to be fair but some were unhelpful in their kind-heartedness.

But miss RootMcC took me to our safe place, coffee in hand and reminded me that I was already overly emotional this week so lacking in the logical bigger picture department but more importantly reminded me of the specific things that I had been through and the fact that at one point there were people who weren’t even sure that I would finish the degree.

“I’ll play
You sing
The perfect way for the evening to begin!!
And I wont sit down
And I won’t shut up
Most of all I will not grow up!”

Sorry blogging interrupted by Frank Turner, that and the numerous Take That fans sat on the train, lovely women just REALLY FLIPPING NOISEY!

So back to my results (because the world really does revolve around me!)

So yes I was given some perspective on what I have accomplished this year. But I was also reminded that I am a DARN GOOD youth worker. I am not the best, I shall freely admit to that. But I am really good at what I do. This includes knowing when to ask for help, coming up with ideas, relationship building and knowing when I am no longer part of a young person’s life.

Oh I am also rather organised which is a fairly important skill (Ruth assures me of this.) And I’m punctual. I like that trait of mine.

But yes, I’m good at what I do and my grades don’t really say anything about how good I am at my job, they just tell me how good (or not) I am at writing an essay. And that really isn’t a usable skill.

But it is hard isn’t it. To remember that what the world tells us is important really isn’t what God tells us is important. We are encouraged in our society to always beat others. I’ve never seen the apprentice but I hear about it a lot and from twitter and friends and what I can tell it is about one-up man ship and walking all over people to get ahead. We are told doing well at Uni will get us great jobs with loads of pay and fulfil us.

But you know what, the Bible tells us that Jesus came to give us life and life in all its fullness. And that life isn’t about money or doing well at uni but living a life that is after God’s heart

Well I took a 2 week long pause after writing that section and am now in coffee beach in Bristol avoiding doing some editing. My bad.

So a few weeks on and I can still safely say I am really proud of my degree results. That I have done something that halfway through no one thought I would complete. And I am doing the job that I love.

What’s more I have just had a meeting with an ex CYM student to talk about streetspace and my involvement and once again making me even more excited about where God is taking me and what is in my future.

Doing my degree has made it possible for m to do these things but the result does not define how well I do it. And not to blow my own trumpet too much but I am a pretty good youth worker.